Darth Maull's mind dump: May 2006

X Men: The Last Stand

Well we've all been waiting eagerly for X Men 3 for ages now, and even without Bryan Singer we hoped it would be good. I don't want to 'spoil' it for anyone else just yet, so I will let you all go and see it first.

Bear in mind that Brett Rattner is possibly the worst director ever - Rush hour, anyone? Also, all the screenwriters went with Singer so they got in the guys that wrote Mr and Mrs Smith apparently. The question is, WHY?!

Lets put it this way: they Matrix 3'd it up to buggery.

Football news already!?

Yes - Tomas Rosicky signs for Arsenal..

No seriously - it looks like the Staff-student game might be a goer! Already I have 7/8 names down from the staff side and Jon is recruiting a student team.

Alas no strikers yet. I wonder if we can get Thierry Henry to claim he works here?

Staff v Student Football

After getting immediately hooked on the Gordon Ramsey-laden Soccer Aid, I wonder how feasible it would be to assemble a staff v student charity game?

Stay tuned....

Goalkeeping in the 21st Century

After getting back between the sticks regularly for the first time since 1995(!) I have realised 2 things - it is possible to get cheap goalkeeping gloves and I don't really need to buy cheap ones anymore!

I bought the red Addidas pair - yes I have converted from Reusch on the grounds that they are twice the price, harder to get and usually horrible colours - and recently got the blue pair.

These new ones, although as yet untested, are by far the most comfortable goves I have ever bought, and hopefully will last a bit longer, although astroturf is notoriously harsh on the latex. Surprisingly the cheaper pair performed extremely well in the wet the other day (and boy, was it wet!). Sadly it doesn't make up for my lack of skill and my notorious ability to scythe people down even when in goal. Rob - sloppy I tell you.

Star Wars Update - May 2006

All 6 ROTS Easter Eggs - crappy photo sorry

All 68 ROTS figures including (*shamed*) variations - black clone pilot, Green Clone Commander, Shock Troop, Utapau shadow troop etc.

Very nice MIB ESB Rebel Transporter

Trilogo Yoda which I may have posted before

Beautiful trilogo EV9D9 - a near perfect example - only 2 tiny dings

The fabled Luke Stormtrooper - this was a real bargain from germany - luckily I managed to translate the description pretty well - sehr guten zustand indeed! There is a tiny ding in the top right and a tiny split in the bubble which is so clean it must have been factory, but it takes a lot of looking to notice and doesn't detract from an otherwise perfect card.

Minty Anakin from the ever reliable sci-fi toys - he will be a big loss when he calls it a day. Obtained at '97 prices too!

Oh many lovely things have this way come. I have a new credit card by the way. Yes, another one. Yes I know. No I don't know how I'm planning to pay it off.

Garden Complete (well nearly)

Aside from a second coat on the back of the house (oh, and the pointy bit, the other side and the back gates), the garden is mostly finished and planted up. Now if only it would STOP FUCKING RAINING FOR 5 MINUTES!!!!

Swansea institute Graphic Design Expo 06

To be honest, aside froma few pieces (boobs and and OCD thing), most of the work was fairly run-of-the-mill, showing a disappointing lack of orignality from budding designers. The example above however amused me muchly.

Claire's work, however, truly stood out. Now as the more astute amongst you will know, I was bound to say this, but objectively I am a fan of much of her work. It is creative and innovative in a way that many are not, yet has a vulnerability and in some cases a charming naivity edged with a certain sharpness and cynicism, which really attracts me. That, and she did some work for me for the GEP.

These I want for my spare alcove - a block of 4 printed on canvas would look great!

PS - sorry about the crappy photos - this is why I go to exhibitions and not exhibit at them!

Eurovision 2006

Lordi won - genius! Will go and laugh at them at Download methinks.

meanwhile, whilst Bosnia had some entertaining lyrics with rosemary ridden hair and lovely doves, Croatia has to take the biscuit for the most random lyrics:

My high heel

For the grass has not yet sprouted
Where my high heel has trodden
(Speech: Come, come, come, come, hop, hop, hop, hop, come on, my chicken)

Tick-tock 'round half past two
You shall pinch me, but noone will see
I know well guys like you
The devils are your godfathers

Ring, ring, you shall ask for my number
Knock, knock, go and knock on some other girl's door

Sojka, girlie, do put on your little socks
For the grass has not yet sprouted
Where my high heel has trodden
Oy da da oy da oy da da da
Oy da da oy da
My high heel
(Speech: Sije sete, sije oto, sije nove, sije mine and again, baby, s s s seks, hop, hop, ring ring)

Tick-tock 'round half past two
You will nibble me, but noone will see
Golden ring, thin mustache
I know well guys like you

Ring, ring, you shall ask for my number
Shoo, shoo, go and run to some other girl
Sojka, girlie, do put on your little socks

For the grass has not yet sprouted
Where my high heel has trodden
Oy da da oy da oy da da da
Oy da da oy da
My high heel
(Speech: Zoomb, zoomba, hay, straw, cheese, salami, risi-bisi, bowl, red beet, red teet, Africa, paprika)
(Speech: Sije, sete, sije oto, sije nove, sije mine, come on, come on)

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BIT ALL ABOUT?!?!?!
(Speech: Zoomb, zoomba, hay, straw, cheese, salami, risi-bisi, bowl, red beet, red teet, Africa, paprika)

I think - "ooh, what rhymes?" was the question being asked to deaf mutes in Croatia, who proceeded to wander around the supermarket pointing at things.

Ebay item of the year!

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4639771121#description

GUTTED.

National Recognition!

Apologies for the slightly bad photo - bad light I tells ya!

At last Claire's undoubted talents are recognised by her victory in the "design a logo for some fire safety thing" competition. For some reason they picked this one and then put it on a yellow background - obviously style advice from designers is ignored!

Congratulations to Claire who's logo can now be seen in 4 ft high writing on a mobile trailer all over South West Wales!

Intermediate MBs

Well our first intake have now completed their written intermediate MBs and I can stop getting up early. Well done everyone!

Please God don't fail otherwise I have to organise resits.

Phil and Rhian - druggies

http://www.thesite.org.uk/community/reallife/truestories/ketamine

Bubble Fart

Now Andy has mentioned it in his comment, I figure this is a moment that also needs to be documented for posterity (as it were).

I am sure this is a common phenomenon - where you squeeze out a fart and the is a bit of movement there and a bubble of methane is blown and some popping and dampness occurs which naturally needs some blotting? No? Just me then.

It is a gift.....and a curse

An Interesting "Amy Fisher" aside

Only in America....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amy_Fisher

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lingerie_Bowl

Carrier Bag Please

No weekend is complete without a new saying, ripping the piss out of Andy and an amazingly funny story (usually at Andy's expense).

To cut a long story short I shall use bullet points

Andy visits Sian (his Fiancee)'s parents house
Andy develops a rare anal condition know medically as 'bumwee'
Andy's pants become ensoiled.
Andy is forced to spend many minutes in the toilet pissing from his ass
Andy removes said pants and is unsure what to do: his internal logic reads i) hide them - where? ii) Flush them - might get stuck iii) Get rid of them some other way - can't.. Instead he...
Leaves bathroom with said pants and ASKS HIS FUTURE MOTHER IN LAW FOR A CARRIER BAG. Now thats the impression I'd like to make.

"Hi, Mum, I've shat myself, can I have a carrier bag for my pants please?"

Not only then did he tell his fiancee and her family, he then proceeded to tell all of us. That would be Phil 'can't keep his mouth shut with anything even remotely funny'. Heheheheheh...

The man is a legend.

Reading. Oh, for the festival?

Still not satiated by his monkey lust, Andy turned to Kerrang... His flaccid member no longer able to witstand the beating over "Aiden". Andy affectionately earned the nickname "Gorrila penis" for a very good reason.