Cage Rape?

http://www.drownedinsound.com/articles/3320022

Thank fuck it wasn't just Matt and I. I particularly liked

"By "cagerape" that would mean tieing him up and bundling him into a large birdcage just big enough for him so hes doubled over. Then you stick your porker through the holes into his orifices and jizz all over him."

Ring Guard

Speaks for itself really.

Isle of Man - Riding Day!

This is the Isle of Man route we rode - only 17 miles or so, starting and finishing by the TT Grandstand in Douglas, but with some resonably tough climbs, not steep, just irritatingly tricky terrain. We probably could have done it faster if we'd been racing for something but we were just taking it easy and soaking up the scenery. Some great tarmac on the TT course sections though, really smooth.

Part way through a 3 mile rocky climb - not steep, but hard to go more than about 5 feet at a time without hitting something or clipping a pedal. Matt fell off several times, once in a ditch, fortunately all soft landings but it was a frustrating bitch. Not very tiring though as there was very little cycling involved!

Nice view though.

Cutting our losses and having a break before finishing the climb. With no speedo or time constraints it was a leisurely ride and quite enjoyable.

Terrible gulleys mid way up made riding even more tricky, with wedged pedals almost kicking me off repeatedly.

Looking back down a relatively smooth section of climb.

Same again.

Trek 3700 which served as out steeds for the day. Shitty RST forks and mediocre brakes made the downhills less enjoyable than they should have been and wrists ache.

Right at the top of what could have been a wicked downhill section had we had forks and brakes that worked. As it was the loose rocky surface limited my speed (as did the fact that I almost stacked it about 5 times on the way down just the first section! And it got worse!!)

The ride was excellent and I really want to go back and do some more. Some nice country roads with 3 fairly long off road sections meant that it felt like the roads were there as a means of transport rather than a major part of the ride and didn't detract from the trails. The second and third o/r sections were mostly downhills with the second having a very loose gravelly surface at the top, degrading to large stones, making it a tricky descent at speed (especially with dodgy braks and very little suspension). The final o/r section was pretty straightforward and a lot more fun - God knows how Matt did the whole thing sat down though I almost crashed several times without being sat down as well! The first and longest o/r section was by far the trickiest, which covered the major climb up into the mountains, about 3 miles of rocks, gulleys, gravel and more rocks. The most frustrating thing was trying to pick cyclable paths as water had cut some areas away so much that the paths were not wide enough to pedal through without jamming your pedal and having to stop or get thrown. We got there though, eventually. The downihll on the other side should have been more fun than it was, but again the narrow gulleys made it more dangerous, not that that slowed me much(!)

The End 2 End race sounds like a major challenge though, apparently there is a section right at the end like a wall. Great. Some of the route I think follows the Millennium Way also only the other way, which might be interesting to say the least! Defo need my own bike next time though - forks, brakes and tyres that grip are a must.

Jim and Shell's cats

Maynard checking me out and thinking "Who the fuck is that weird bastard trying to fuck me?"

"Maybe I should claw that cunt's face?"

Hobbes was a little aloof but still very cute (especially behind glass where I couldn't actually touch her) "Fuck Off! Leave me the fuck alone, cuntface".

"I may play with you but don't you dare fucking touch me ass machine".

"Seriously now, fuck right off."

Isle of Man - 15-18 May 2008

Leaving Luton Airport - 10:45 am (this meant getting up at 06:30)

This was to be our plane. "that's not a plane" seemed to be the general reaction.

Onboard shortly before takeoff and overpriced cups of tea.

Safe landing at a very sunny Isle of Man 45 minutes or so later.

This is what we were greeted with. 3 Legged bastards. And they have foreign money! I ask you. Still everyone seemed very nice about it and you could hardly even see them walking funny.

Well in the absence of the ANL...

Granville!....

The Castle at err Peel I think - that is Matt heading for the piss cave.

The beach where we sat eating our fish and chips bought, grudgingly, from the shop that tried to close at 9:00 on a Friday evening?!?!?!

There are, trust me, two seals in the sea here. And Adamski.

A coffee shop in Douglas served tea and coffee in the following sizes - Small, Regular and Bowl. BOWL!??! Genius. Shell tucks into the bowl of Hazlenut cappucino that made her feel sick.

Matt went for the small cup and almost fell in and drowned.

My Bowl of tea. Ace. Below gives you an idea of size.

Matt tried out a midget chair in Woolies.

Shell and I built the fire pit on the beach and what seemed to be called Port Maull

Mmmm onions and smashed pallett.

Jimmy took an axe to the beach - still, there was no one around to ask questions. We played baseball with it and some potatoes. Mostly I was just trying to impress a 14 year old Emo girl (Shell's neice I believe). What? I was on my best behaviour, I didn't get my cock out even once.

Jimmy searching for wood and looking like some weird ass hobo. Not that he has a weird ass that I know of. I dunno, maybe he does?

Ring of fire.

This one I have titled "Anakin's demise".

Matt was determined to get into the sea.

I'm not sure he fully grasped paddling though.

This was the result of me trying to dry my socks using fire. I'm not bright.

There is a tiny miniature castle in Douglas harbour to help stricken sailors. If they are all Matt's size presumably?

We played a fair bit of music in the evenings as Jimmy plays guitar, drums and bass. Here he played drums and guitar. Git.

At the Creg-Na-Baa pub (I kid you not) where the TT course runs - look, a real motorbike and sidecar!

Matt had some desire to get Shell - I'm not sure this can't be classed as cage rape. I suspect his battle against cancer gave him the necessary courage.

Bloody tourists. I could have been checking out girls in bikinis!

Below - a tower at wherever we were that may have been Port Erin?

The castle at Castletown. Shortly before this I farted so badly that Shell could taste it. I rock.

Leaving the Isle of Man behind.

We were sat next to the Emergency Exit on the way back so we studied the pictures in case something went wrong and we needed to be heroes.

Report will appear here, Teletext style.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I have advance tickets for the midnight screening on 21st May :-D

Go me.

MTB - Brecon, The Gap

Getting ready to set off...only 3 hours behind schedule

Ballet?

Carful

Handy

Matt

The Gap - allegedly 24 miles until you let me navigate. The blue circle and line show roughly where we took a wrong turn and ended up 5 1/2 miles off course in Ponticil or somewhere. As Andy said - "there shouldn't be another reservoir on our left should there?"

Andy in his shades looking a bit of the gay

Pretty.

Pretty gay.

God knows.
Bike rack.

Matt fixing the first of two front wheel punctures. He was getting good at it by the end of the day. A lesson in checking the tyre for thorns though.

Sweaty Back.

Matt can also multi-task it would seem. As he was down there...

Too late. No it wasn't spunk or piss. The nozzle off my sack was leaking again.

You can just see Matt in the distance negotiating a technical downhill section - the light was fading fast and we were starting to get a bit worried.

Matt after a tricky and very rocky downhill section.

Matt rides past...

Just over this ridge we finally saw Brecon as the light faded - the lights were a fair way off but it was some comfort. This was my favourite section of the whole ride, a lovely undulating track, if rocky, followed by a long and reasonably tricky but fast downhill. Hard on the calves and a lot of concentration needed not to crash, but well worth all the hard work.

Finally back at the car - it was about 9:30 - we had left at 3:30 expecting to ride for 4 hours max. The parking ticket had run out at 8:30 but a ticket was the least of our worries.

Matt checked the late night business.

Clean bike. Now it just needs a bit of a service after a bit of a battering - functioned perfectly though, although I think I could have gone with the summer tyre and short finger gloves.

Well, after talking about it for ages we finally went up to Brecon to do some riding. We selected the Gap as I had heard good things about it and it looked a good distance without being a killer. We aimed to get there for 12:00, but ended up not getting there til 3:00 and them Matt and I had a cup of tea first, so we didn't set off until 3:30. We had planned it to be a 3-4 hour ride, but fate evidently had other plans for us. The early sections along the Taff Trail next to a canal, then some quiet roads were easy. Up a shallow incline for a while onto a gravel section of the Taff Trail for quite a way (first puncture for Matt included), then forking down a steep rocky descent which was a bit of a challenge but great fun (second puncture at bottom). Another downhill through some forestry, across a ford then a bit more road. Up a massively steep long hill, past a stillborn lamb and then we must've gone a bit wrong. Through a couple of forest sections and out onto the road again, and just as Andy and I were discussing how much harder we had expected to be we pulled up in Ponticil. Now, we thought we were about 4 miles from Brecon. As it turned out we were 4 miles from Merthyr and nearly 20 miles from Brecon. This was 7:15. We quelled the panic, figured out where we went wrong, retraced out steps and picked up the route again, ominously mostly uphill. Then the hard bit came. Over what I assume was the gap, which was essentially unrideable, up about 2 miles of the most sapping, rocky ascent I have ever tried, then an almost fun set of very steep, very rocky downhills that demanded intense concentration and were hard on the calves. Matt and Andy had to walk down some of it - I rode most of it, but Matt was on his reserve bike and Andy's brakes were a bit dodgy to start with. Then Andy managed to collide with a rock, stayed on his feet but buckled the back wheel so badly that we had to loosen the brakes as the bulge kept hanging up. Finally, just as the light was failing, we made it back to the country lanes and facefulls of midges that took up all the way back to Brecon, stopping briefly to look at some Whyte bikes in the LBS. Tiring but excellent. We phoned Cath to get us some food from Wasabi which was there when we got back. Line of the drive back:

"what was that? Something ran in the road - it was about the size of a rabbit." "errr was it a rabbit?"